I didn’t start my mothering journey with a routine. When I first became a stay-at-home mom, I rejected all of the chains that came with my old life. The one where I was woken with an alarm every day from the age of 5, and I knew I didn’t want to feel those constraints anymore.
I immediately stopped getting myself dressed in the day, only to find myself feeling chronically sleepy and just kind of icky. To resolve the problem, I decided the solution must be to get dressed EVERY DAY. Then, I discovered there had to be a better option. I eventually found the compromise and learned that the daily flow could involve comfy mom sweats, as long as most days, I took the time to lovingly dress my body, do my hair, and put on makeup.
I began to notice this connection in all areas of my life. When there was a good amount of structure, it felt good to let it go as needed, knowing there was a base to come back to. Too much structure meant I couldn’t stick to it, and too little made me unhappy. This has become part of the process of mothering myself, alongside my children.
I wish I could tell you that I magically devised a daily rhythm, typed it up in a pretty font, stuck it on the fridge, and never strayed from it a day in my life. It’s been complete bliss!!
This simply isn’t the case. Your life as a mom is comprised of trial and error experiences, and a lot of things will become clear once your values are clear. Sometimes things will work for now but not later, and it will take this lifetime of gathering data to figure out the process of what is the best solution right now. There is no routine for a newborn or routine for kids that will suit each and every home. We can draw inspiration from each other, but ultimately, time and experience are your best teachers.
That being said, I teach moms about building a rhythm instead of a routine.
What Is A Daily Rhythm?
A daily rhythm is the reliable pace of your home. It is the word I use over routine or schedule because it provides for more fluidity and less rigidity. When we’re worried about sticking to a routine, it’s not likely to be long-lasting because it creates more friction than ease, but a daily rhythm allows for an ebb and flow. It creates space for the schedule to change and for everyone’s needs to be met.
The Benefits To Keeping A Daily Rhythm for Children
Children are hardwired to crave a feeling of safety. Their nervous system patterning comes not just from yours, but also from the feeling that “all is well” within their little world. A predictable rhythm reminds children that they know what comes next! The can feel confident that mama isn’t going to make them go to sleep before it’s time, that meals will always be provided, and that bedtime follows kisses and milk. Here’s the important piece. Whether or not you’ve tried to create a daily rhythm, your days still have one. It might be working for your family, or your lack of a flow might be the reason you’re constantly feeling beat down, and there are constant meltdowns.
The Benefits To Keepig A Daily Rhythm for Mother
I’m sure you don’t need me to elaborate too much here, but in case you’re staunchly against routine like I was, here we go. When you hold the rhythm of your home, it not only gives your children a sense of what comes next, but it also allows for a feeling of reliability for you. You know that after the children are down for their afternoon naps, you’ll have a few moments of peace for yourself and that there will still be space in the afternoon to tend to chores and meal prep. This is my favourite part about creating a family rhythm—it creates time for my own care (like writing this blog right now). It also makes for less energy spent convincing your children to clean up, play outside, or play independently when these activities are part of the natural flow of each day, and theyre not a spontaneous surprise.
How To Build A Daily Rhythm: In Breath & Out Breath
I appreciate a handful of Waldorf principles, and this is one of them. Steiner suggested that the natural rhythm of the day should mimic the expansion and contraction of the breath. In-breaths would be things like structured or focused activities such as a craft project, nature hike, or grocery store trip, while an out-breath allows for more self-paced activities like freely playing with toys, resting, or reading books and snuggling. When it comes to creating a rhythm for your family, without even knowing it, you’re likely already following this pattern in your home on your most successful days. In our home, I also tend to order weekdays in this same pattern. If one day is spent doing in the world activities, the following day is quiet and home-centred when possible.
Identifying Your Values
You can read more about creating a vision plan for your values here, but this is a simplified version meant to help you create a rhythm for your family. When you close your eyes and imagine your children all grown up, what do you wish you did with them while they were small? Write those things down. What other priorities do you have in a day? Food on the table? A load of laundry? What desires do you have in a day that you could feasibly tend to? What does your spouse need from you? Now you have this beautiful web of ideas. Try not to let this overwhelm you, but rather, cast a vision of possibility. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day!
What Our Days Look Like
Here’s a map of what our family rhythm looked like then vs now. Yours might look completely different!
Things To Consider While Building a Daily Rhythmn
What is your current flow of the day? It would be unreasonable to swap out 5 hours of slow-morning coffee drinking for a rigorous house cleaning schedule, but maybe trimming your morning coffee time could help to move the marker for you! The idea isn’t to become a perfect human; it’s to strive for something you can actually implement and feel good about. Keeping a rhythm is less of a to-do instructional and more for creating a flow to your day, with pockets to add in tasks that you want to accomplish. So instead of writing down 10-11 am fold laundry. It becomes 10-11 am house tasks. Instead of naptime at 1pm. It becomes lunch, nap, and play without the rigidity of a hard deadline. I’ve included times on my examples, but we don’t live and die by the clock.
It’s Supposed To Work For YOU!
Remember, a good daily rhythm consists of :
has an in & out breath pattern
meets everyone’s general needs including yours
gives your family and home a sense of peace and predictability
Anything that requires intense grinding (of your effort or even your teeth) is a schedule, not a rhythm. Build a daily rhythm for your family, and notice how much easier life becomes!
